(This post contains graphic imagery. No one under 18 is permitted to read it without an adult with a credit card and copy of Fifty Shades of Grey present.)
Over this past holiday weekend I spent some time creating a Pinterest page; a skill that many of my colleagues have become masters at (I’m looking at you, Diamonds in the Library), yet it’s a talent that’s about as foreign to me as understanding why the Kardashians are famous (oh no she didn’t!). But, I managed to put on my big-girl panties and do it, and in the process discovered some pretty bad-ass pieces of jewelry and radical designers who are taking “edgy” to the next level. (Editor’s note: key word in that last sentence is ass.)
There is nothing more beautiful in the universe than the naked human body. What it can accomplish on the outside and has imagined on the inside is all too often hidden by clothing, shoes, and accessories, or as we like to call it… fashion. But the naked body is becoming fashionable on its own again, as I discovered on Saturday while doing a simple Google image search for yellow gold rings to pin to my new board.
Imagine scrolling through image after image of cookie-cutter three-stone amethyst and boring-as-hell diamond halo rings only to eventually find yourself with a bright, shiny, rear-end in your face. Go on… take a second and think about it. You’re welcome. But this was no ordinary posterior; this was the butt of my dreams. It’s the butt I’ve wanted for years. I’d blown out dozens of birthday candles and wished on hundreds of stars for this butt, and now, it was staring into my eyes and made of solid 18K gold. No more squats. No more jogging. A butt as perfect as this could be purchased online for the mere cost of $4,960.00. CoinStar, here I come!
Of course I’m making light, but not about the fact that this is probably the most perfectly constructed set of buttocks you’ll ever lay eyes on, at least in the jewelry world. Ukrainian-born, Brooklyn-based designer Nora Kogan (of St. Kilda Jewelry) has created this undeniably unique “Booty Ring” that she added to her Sparkling Days and Night Collection. Nora’s mission, according to her website bio, is to create “beautiful jewelry that outlives trends.” I’ll say! What could be a better representation of The Anti-Trend than the naked feminine body? And let’s not end with, well, ends… let’s take a look at another item in her collection, shall we? Nora’s “18K Solid Gold Boob” piece gives new meaning to the term “nipple ring” (available in rose gold with or without diamonds!). Frankly, this ring makes me happier than a Kardashian in a plastic surgeon’s office (second Kardashian slam today… booyah!). I mean, look at it. They’re breasts. As an accessory. Who here among us hasn’t used their breasts as an accessory at one time or another in their life, huh? Come on… don’t lie. I’d been known to wear what little boobage I had around my neck in my twenties; I’m not afraid to admit it. Hell, I’m the chick who had a boudoir shoot taken for her fortieth birthday, so clearly, a pair of solid gold ta-tas on my finger isn’t going to frighten me. I love them! I want them! I want everyone to have them! We should all be wearing boobs! BOOBS FOR ALL!
Got carried away there… sorry.
Nora’s work is clean and well-crafted, but she’s not the only designer making tasteful, beautiful jewelry through the muse that is the naked feminine form. Turkish designer Selda Okutan is using brass and sterling silver to create pieces erotic enough to wear to the premiere of the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Her “Prisoners of Love” ring looks like it stepped right out of “Story of O” and her “For Love Volume II” two-toned double-finger ring sent me straight to the confessional, and I’m not even Catholic! (Editor’s note: that’s not true. I’m totally Catholic.) Selda’s imaginative and distinctive jewelry has been available online at Boticca.com since 2011 but until yesterday I hadn’t known that such a talented and uninhibited artist existed. I’m happy that I now do, and thank Pinterest for leading me to her.
The envelope is there for people to push. The edge, for better or worse, exists for those who believe that while in the air they’ll grow wings and fly. Jumping for the sake of jumping will leave a splattered mess on the ground below. Jumping because your heart tells you that it’s only the only way to express yourself in your truest form is the sole reason your wings will grow. If you think like designer Wendy Brandes and say to yourself “IDGAF,” then kick off your Jimmy Choo’s and head on over the edge. And if you’re an open-minded being who’s able to see the forest through the trees then you’ll buy what these designers are selling, be it as metaphor, or in reality.
So go on… the edge is waiting for you. But by all means, if you jump, be sure to jump naked. Your best accessories will already be on you.